Things I am Not Allowed to do at The Cafe Musain
by That Creative One
Summary: Inspired by a list called Things I am Not Allowed to do at The Cafe Musain and Bam it's Rachel's 'What actually happened at the Barricades', my OC Aenii and Trust Gavroche's OC Mireille take the list and break every rule on list. MUCH BETTER THAN DESCRIBED! I hope you likey!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi wonderful readers! So, this is an idea that came from a list on my profile called Things I Am Not Allowed to do at the Café Musain. This will be rather funny, and I hope you like it. Aenii is my OC, and Mireille is Trust Gavorche's OC. I hope you have fun with this. The inspiration for this came from Bam it's Rachel's 'What Actually happened at the Barricades', kudos to you Rachel! **

So, here is the list of things:

Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at The Cafe Musain

-Tell Enjolras that he would get a lot more followers if he gave speeches shirtless

-Teach Grantaire the lyrics to "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall"

-Hang up pictures of questionable scenes from the 25ac for the Amis to see

-Steal Enjolras' "Red Waistcoat of Freedom" and run around singing, "ONE MORE DAY BEFORE THE STORM!"

-Inform Joly that joining a secret, revolutionary group is the first sign of having the deadly disease "revolution-itis"

-Saying the following joke:

"How many beautiful, blonde revolutionaries does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None! Enjolras doesn't screw! Hahahahaha!"

-Jehan is not Kurt Hummel. Saying so is just rude - and highly anachronistic

-Just don't cast Glee in general; i.e., Marius is not Finn, Grantaire is not Puck, Enjolras is not Sam...

-Nor am I allowed to cast other musicals, because Enjolras is not the following: The Phantom, Joseph, Che, Sweeney Todd, Captain Von Trapp, The Beast, Danny Zuko, Jesus...

-No calling Marius a Jonas Brother

-I am not allowed to compare Aaron Tveit or any other actor I deem "hot" to Enjolras - Enjolras is not "hot"; he is "Angelically Beautiful"

-Les Amis are not the Jets from West Side Story - even if Javert is Officer Krupke.

-I am not allowed to dress up as Patria in hope that Enjolras will kiss me/etc.

-Asking Enjolras and Grantaire "Who's on top?" is not funny, despite how loudly Courfeyrac laughs

-I am not allowed to become part of Courfeyrac's "Collection".

-Nor am I allowed to ask how many "pieces" there are to it.

-Enjolras is not: Sexy, hot, do-able, gorgeous, lust-worthy, a tease, or Mr. Centerfold-Enjolras, and calling him so is inappropriate

-Giving Grantaire my laptop and letting him read Frenchboy slashfics is not a good idea, as it give R what he deems to be "good ideas"

-Enjolras is not my "husband" or my "beau", so I cannot call him that

-I am not allowed to ask Combeferre to tutor me, as I am "unteachable"

-Mimicking Enjolras while he gives a speech is a bad thing to do, and not good for your health

-Combeferre is not Dr. Spencer Reid, and implying so is anachronistic and rude

-Introducing the boys to tumblr, Facebook, or Twitter is not safe

-Ramin Karimloo is not to be mentioned during meetings by me or anyone else

-Nor is Hadley Fraser

-Or any guy who's played an Ami

-I can't sing about any Amis sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

(Credit to AzureOtter as well)

SO, next chapter we (Aenii and Mireille) will begin doing EVERYTHING on this list!

Bye for now, here's a cookie (::)!


	2. Chapter 2

Rule #1 To Break: "Tell Enjolras he would get a lot more followers if he gave speeches shirtless"

A/N: Yay, actual chapter! Have fuuuuun!

"Mireille, I'm so boooored." Aenii whined.

"Yeah, me too. Want to go annoy someone?" Mireille responded, slipping off the crooked chair nailed into the barricade.

"You know I do!" Aenii said, standing up and going over to the 'Don't Do Any Of These Things' list made specifically for these two troublemakers, by Enjolras. Tearing it down from the Refrigerator of Disgrace, aka the Magic Refrigerator, aka the AENII GET IN THERE NOW!, Aenii walked back to Mireille. The fridge had been graced with such names as; A) Whoever needed punishment went into the shelf-less oversized fridge, often along with Marius in Cosette-mode or Joly in hypochondriac-mode., B) Since it had the power to turn into a tunnel of doors into different dimensions and times, and C) Because Aenii often caused trouble, as doing so now.

"Let's see, Things You are NOT Allowed to Do, by The Amis. Number One, 'Telling Enjolras he would get a lot more followers shirtless'. Want to annoy Enjy?" Aenii asked Mireille, who was standing and reading over Aenii's shoulder.

"Of course I do! Who do you think I am, some responsible, rule-abiding child?" Mireille said, maintaining a straight face for 2.1 seconds before dissolving into laughter with her friend.

Teleporting to the Café Musain with their special authoress powers, the girls sprinted into the café to see Enjolras was just ending his speech. Taking a seat quietly (using their special authoress powers to warp two seats between Courfeyrac and Joly, who both had a 'What the-' look on their faces), the girls waited until the very end of his speech, right before the applause for Aenii to yell out, "HEY ENJOLRAS!"

"W- Aenii, what do you want?" Enjolras asked, annoyance, suspicion and confusion written across his face.

"Didn't you know you'd get a lot more followers is you give speeches SHIRTLESS?" Mireille said with a pointed look.

Enjolras's face went red among the many wolf whistles, cat calls, and cheers of approval. Then he said, or at least _tried_ to say, "Aenii- I- That's totally out of line- you…"

"Come on Enjy-bear, you know you WANT TO!" Mireille chimed.

Enjolras's face went visibly redder, if possible, and then said, among the many innuendo cheers, "Meeting closed." And left the room.

Everybody applauded, and many people congratulated Aenii and Mireille. Leaving the café in laughter, they teleported back into the barricade. Upon arrival, they were praised again by Courfeyrac, Joly, and Courfeyrac again, who simply could not get over how red Enjolras's face was.

When Enjolras arrived back at the barricade, his face went red all over again. Self-consciously tugging down his shirt, he automatically yelled, "AENII GET IN THERE NOW!" and pointed at the fridge.

"What about Mireilleeeee?" Aenii said in a whiny voice, which contained a thick layer of persuasion underneath the surface.

"Just get in there," Enjolras said, ignoring her question altogether.

Sighing, Aenii said, "Mireille, wanna go to Narnia?"

"Wait a sec, no your being PUNISHED-" Enjolras shouted, but it was too late, the giggling girls had already disappeared into the Fridge, and then they were gone. Sighing with anger, Enjolras slammed the Fridge shut and walked away.

END

Hope you had fun! THIS WAS INSPIRED BY BAM IT'S RACHEL'S 'WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED AT THE BARRICADE'! ENJY-BEAR IS NOT MY NAME, IT'S BAM IT'S RACHEL'S. Credit to her, cookie for Rachel! (::) Everyone shower her with cookies. Follow, favorite, and REVIEW PLEASE!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Six reviews! Wow, thank you all so wonderfully much for R&Ring! Cookie for you (::)! Have fun with this next chapter!

Rule #2 to break: Teach Grantaire the lyrics to '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall'

Chapter Two

About an hour later, both girls returned from Narnia with a mixture of snow and powder on their faces- the odd jelly pastries covered in powdered sugar that the Queen had given Edward really were delicious- where they decided that it had been far too long without annoying Enjy-bear. Over an hour!

"I think we should get Enjy-bear a new name, what do you think?" Aenii said, wiping the white mess off her face.

Mireille, who was doing the same, paused for a moment before saying, "Enjy-bat?"

Aenii made a face. "Enjy-_bat_? Why a bat?"

Mireille shrugs. "Got anything better?"

"Um, not really. What's next on our list?" Aenii asks, since a now-clean faced Mireille holds the list.

"'Teach Grantaire the lyrics to 99 bottles of beer on the wall'," Mireille reads aloud, and then stares as a maliciously evil grin spreads across Aenii's face. Grinning herself, Mireille and Aenii teleport to the Café Musain, where it is about half an hour before 'Enjy-bat's' new speech.

"HEY GRANTAIRE!" Aenii yells, as Aenii is always in charge of the yelling. She walks right over to a tipsy Grantaire, who grins the second he sees Aenii and Mireille. His eyebrows raise in question, and Aenii continues, "Want to learn a song that will annoy Enjy-bat?"

"Bat? Sure, but why bat?" Grantaire asks.

"Because we couldn't think of anything better. The song is called '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall', and it goes like:

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.  
Take one down and pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.

And then you just keep going down the number line." Aenii said.

Grantaire stared at them with such wonder and amazement, the girls wondered if he was about to go into anaphylactic shock. But then, he started to belt out, "99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 99 BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!" He continued doing this until the entire bar had joined him, and then they had to start over from 99. Then Enjolras showed up.

"Attention," He started.

"97 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 97 BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 96 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!"

"_Attention!_" He said again, louder.

"96 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 96 BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 95 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!"

"HEY!" Enjolras flat-out yelled this time, but was still covered up by the drunken singing.

"95 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 95 BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 94 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!"

Enjolras got a defeated look on his face and sighed. His eyes sifted through the crowd, possibly looking for one soul still trying to listen, when he caught Aenii's eye. His eyes widened, then narrowed. He got an 'AENII GET IN THERE NOW!' look on his face.

"TO NARNIA!" Aenii yelled, sounding much like a war cry. Grabbing Mireille's hand, they both teleported in front of the fridge.

Mireille was about to open the fridge when Aenii said, "NO! Enjy-bat thinks we'll be in Narnia by the time he gets here, so we'll just hide somewhere, then sneak up on him and scare the crap out of him!" Nodding enthusiastically, the girls ducked behind the Fridge and waited.

They didn't have to wait long; they heard Enjolras's labored breathing as he walked towards the Fridge- he had obviously run the whole way, in an angered-maniac mode only Aenii and Mireille could put him in. He opened it, slammed it, and walked over to his barricade study, or a room-shaped area well-guarded in the barricade. The girls managed to keep from giggling as long as he was in ear-shot.

Waiting a few moments to ensure they were alone and Enjolras wasn't suspicious; the girls began to slowly creep towards the 'study', where Enjolras sat reading with his back to them. Waiting until they were directly behind him, the girls then yelled, "BOO!"

"AHH!" Enjolras jumped, nearly falling out of the chair. The girls then took off towards the Fridge, yelling "FOR NARNIA!" the entire way. All they saw was Enjolras's startled glare before they left.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: READ THIS, IT'S IMPORTANT! So, I'm going a little out of order on the list because I haven't seen the 25 concert anniversary of Les Miserables. So until I see it and decide on the 'questionable scenes,' we will continue going on with the list. **_

RULE #4 TO BREAK: Steal Enjolras's red waistcoat of freedom and run around singing 'ONE MORE DAY BEFORE THE STORM!'

Chapter 4

"Does anyone else get the feeling I've gone to long without getting into trouble?" Aenii asked after a particularly boring 'movie night' in which Enjolras stole the remote and turned on a series of boring documentaries. This resulted in Courfeyrac chucking the remote over the barricade and putting super glue over the power switch so it was stuck on 'off' forever. Or, at least until the authoresses had decided that the rest of the Amis were bored enough to help with their pranks and get the remote back and have the super-glue magically undone.

Mumbles of yes came from Feuilly, Bossuet, Jehan, and Marius. Combeferre shot a warning glance at the girls over the top of his glasses, then went back to his book. Bahorel smirked and said it's too boring around here without it, while Courfeyrac, Grantaire, and Éponine hopped up and said they were 'at your service', as they also loved pranks.

"Ohhh, no, you don't," Enjolras said, grabbing both girls back by the hair as they were about to run off with Courf, 'Taire and 'Ponine, which resulted in Aenii turning around and biting Enjolras on the arm. Hard.

"OW!" He yelled, yanking his arm back, which had a wonderfully deep impression of Aenii's teeth in it. "That hurt," he said.

"Yeah, that was the _point_," Aenii rolled her eyes, and then ran off to the Magic Refrigerator, along with Mireille, Eponine, 'Taire, and Courfeyrac. Somewhere along the 45 second run, Gavroche joined them.

Stepping into the Fridge one at a time, all six of them found themselves in a gray stone-wall room. It had a table with six chairs, a *regular* refrigerator, and a bookshelf filled with books on pranking.

"Welcome, mon amis, to the Official Planning Room. The books on the shelves will change depending on what you're planning. As usual, I have the list as well," Mireille said, holding up the List from the Refrigerator. Aenii was half-encased in the fridge, and came out with six pure white cups and six pure white plates.

"These are magical," Aenii explained, "You just hold them and they fill with whatever beverage or food you want. Aenii took her plate and cup, and soon she had a cup full of fizzy brown liquid (root beer) and some white chocolate chip macadamia nut chocolate cookies. And a can of whipped cream.

Aenii smothered her cookies in whipped cream, for demonstration. And ate them.

"Heck yes!" Grantaire said, and the scent of wine touched the room as he took a drink from his now-full cup.

After the rest of the pranksters were seated with their choice food and drink, they began to plan.

"The list says: "Steal Enjolras's red waistcoat." Ahh, the Red Waistcoat of Freedom." Mireille said with a wistful shake of her head. "Sure, that would be great, but we've got to be bigger than that. Brainstorms?"

The group sat in silence only interrupted by the occasional idea.

"We could dye it pink?"

"Nah, I happen to enjoy being alive," Aenii answered.

"How about we bedazzle it?"

"Good but not good enough," Mireille frowned.

"I GOT IT! Let's go when he's at the barricade, spike his coffee with Valium, steal it, and then when he regains coherency, run around with it tied to a stick, yelling 'ONE MORE DAY BEFORE THE STORM!'!" Gavroche piped up.

Everyone burst into applause, and afterwards Aenii began to grill him on the details of his plan- she was a bit of a pranking perfectionist.

"When is his next 'day off'?"

"Today, actually."

"Where are we going to get Valium?"

Gavroche grinned and held up his magical cup, which proceeded to fill with clear liquid.

"Good. I've got the rest," Aenii said with a terrifyingly malicious grin. The rest of them backed up an inch.

_**BREAKLINEOHYEAHimaBREAKLINE! **_

(Three Hours Later)

Aenii had every detail of the plan covered. She held a cup of Valium-spiked coffee, Gavroche was waiting with a long stick and some rope, while Grantaire was waiting to de-waistcoat Enjolras. Eponine had made positive he didn't already have coffee, while Mireille was supervising everything. Calmly walking into Enjolras's barricade study, she ignored Enjolras's suspicious look and continued with the plan.

"Here," Aenii said, setting down the coffee.

"Not that I'm suspicious that you've spiked this with anything or are trying to prank me or anything, but why did you give me coffee?" Enjolras asked.

"Combeferre says I have to be nice to you or he will lock me in the Refrigerator with Marius." Aenii rolled her eyes very convincingly.

Enjolras took a small sip, never taking his eyes off Aenii. Aenii was unfazed.

"This tastes different," Enjolras frowned slightly.

Without missing a beat, Aenii said, "It's a new kind called Romanian Pure Roast,"

Enjolras nodded and downed it. Within seconds, his head was lolling.

"GAV! 'TAIRE! COME ON!" Aenii yelled, and both boys immediately appeared.

"This is going to be SO epic," Gavroche said with an evil grin.

TBC! :P :P


	5. Author's Note

Hi guys! Thanks for all the reading and reviewing. Anyway, November is National Novel Writing Month- aka NaNoWriMo, which is a challenge giving a person one month (Nov.) to write a 50k novel. I am entering a fresh Les Mis fanfic that I am currently 13112 words into so far. Because of this, all my stories are on temporary hiatus. Sorry about this! I'll be updating like crazy in December though! Bye ;)


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